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I had a vision of sitting in a hospital waiting room clutching Rachel’s hand, knuckles white across the top. Sitting waiting, waiting for a test to be done, looking at the wall paper hoping it would peel away an i’d die instantly as the world stopped turning and i wouldn’t have to feel anything ever again.
the nurse opened the door and the doctor lead me to the waiting room behind a curtain, still crushing rachel’s hand i sat there on the sheathed bed a whole in the white letting that medical mint blue come through.
as she came back she handed me the results negatives ran across and i felt an uplift, and the one positive, the diseases seemed to run alphabetically down….
the one right after herpes had the most grotesque shadow of green lettering printed next to it, i refused to read the ailment, i just dropped it on the bed and looked at Rachel, she kinda patted my hand and hung her head, the doctor apologized and left the room, a councilor came in and told me my next moves followed by a pharmacologist, i didn’t feel anything i was empty inside.
as we left the doctor came in and said,” registration has to talk to you before you leave,” i nodded and some snooty woman looked at me and said,” you have a 300 dollar co pay before you leave,’ i looked at her and said,” i don’t get the co-pays i’m the benefactor i goes to the owner,” “well you have to pay it,” “i just told you,-“”i’m not gonna argue,” i rolled my eyes and walked out the door stomping she yelled out,” we’ll bill you,” i yelled back,’ burn in hell!” and flipped her off.
As i stopped outside my body remembered it was december, and my coat was still off, i felt a warm hand and a old familiar wool jacket nudge me,” thanks” pulling it on i looked over and saw the mauve coat and red hair,” there’s no going back there,” i chuckled at what she said. ” I’m changing majors, and i’m dropping fifty pounds, and i’m gonna tour this country, i’m gonna be a success before i die, that’s all that’s left to be….well that and tell my parents. i hope they don’t cut off my insurance seeing how fucking expensive this medicine is going to be.”
The winter breeze tussled us both and we shook in nervousness and myself in hatred. “coffee?” “yes.”